Everything you do in your life cascades outwards and impacts those around you. Your presence in a room can radiate joy or it can generate unease. Your smile can make someone’s day while a gentle touch of their elbow can give them the strength they need to face their private battles. An encouraging word may make a difference to a person’s life while a thoughtless ‘put down’ can create untold harm.
Your ability to understand and control the affect you have on others is the mark of someone with high emotional intelligence (EQ). EQ allows you to see into another person’s soul and sail through your own moments of crisis with Zen like calm. If you understand the secrets of EQ you are more likely to be successful at your job, your relationships and you will lead a more fulfilled life.
The good news is that emotional intelligence matures over time like a fine red wine while raw intelligence (IQ) is like Beaujolais Nouveaux; best enjoyed while it is still young. You have the ability grow your EQ if you have the desire to learn and develop as a person.
Here are eight characteristics of emotionally intelligent people and what you can do to impact your life and those around you.
- Emotionally intelligent people are self aware. You are a complex being and your tastes, needs and emotional responses change constantly. It can take a lifetime to figure out what makes you tick. Don’t leave it till your death-bed to experience your epiphany moment. The sooner you understand your personality and how you are likely to react in moments of stress, the sooner you will take control of your life and those around you. Take a personality test to fast track your voyage of self-discovery. *
- Write it down. Modern life is led at a frenetic pace and you need time out to reflect. I kept a diary in my formative years, and I learnt more about myself then than I have in the rest of my lifetime. Take ten minutes away from the smart phone or TV and plan your week, organise your thoughts, acknowledge your mistakes and bask in your triumphs. Everything becomes clearer when you put pen to paper.
- Curiosity leads to growth. When you think you have nothing left to learn, it’s time to retire. Emotionally Intelligent people have a thirst for knowledge and a desire to fulfill their potential. They recognise that the world is always moving forward, and if you are not growing, you are falling behind. If you can see your life as a growth opportunity, then you are a success story waiting to happen. Treat well intentioned feedback from your colleagues and loved ones as a gift to be treasured.
- A positive attitude will help you sail through most challenges. People are attracted to those who are passionate, optimistic and have a ‘can do’ attitude. They are repelled by the reverse. Passion keeps you going when others have long since given up. The trick is to focus on reducing your negative emotions by giving yourself options. Focus on what you need rather than what you want and don’t stress about issues that are outside your control. Let your passion be the engine room of your success.
- Emotionally intelligent people are assertive, not domineering. No-one has all the answers and we all need to reach out for help at times. The best leaders are those who gather smart people around them, listen to their views and then act in the best interests of the whole group. These inspired leaders can even tolerate dissent if it is well meaning and constructive. When the dissent is destructive an assertive person will calmly point out the consequences of such behaviour to the culprits and move on.
- Resilience will help you bounce back when the going gets tough. Life consists of highs and lows. Those who have never experienced the depths of despair will never fully appreciate the feeling of exhilaration when the good times return. The secret is to realise that adversity is a temporary state of affairs and that life will eventually return to its equilibrium or better. Resilient people should be flexible like bamboo and when the storm comes, they bend rather than break. Lean on your support network, plan your way through and realise the bad times are not forever.
- Take care of yourself first. This may seem counter-intuitive, but it is hard to help others when you are not in a fit state to help yourself. Martyrdom is over-rated. Keep yourself fit, eat well and get a good night’s sleep. Furthermore, spend time on your passions and hobbies so that you are in a positive frame of mind when you re-enter the fray. You give a lot of yourself to others, so you owe it to yourself to be kind to guy in the mirror.
- Take an interest in other people. The interest that emotionally intelligent people have in others is genuine, almost to a fault. When they believe in someone, they have a desire to see that person become the best they can be. This trust in others tends to be a self-fulfilling prophecy, as that faith will be repaid many times over. It can lead to a lifetime of friendships and a treasure trove of mutually rewarding business contacts. Give praise where it is due, smile often and when appropriate offer a reassuring touch to family, friends and colleagues.
While this list is a very personal journey into the world of EQ, it is up to you to make it happen. EQ really matters if you want to progress with your career. According to Talent Smart, 90% of high performers in the workplace possess high EQ, while 80% of low performers have low EQ. Use your newly discovered powers of positivity to make the best investment that life has to offer.
*Here is a great article that reviews fourteen different free personality tests (including EQ tests). I have only tried one of these so I can’t vouch for their overall quality but they all look like fun.
https://www.themuse.com/advice/14-free-personality-tests-thatll-help-you-figure-yourself-out
